Happy Sunday Funday everyone! The first Sunday of December! As I sit and reflect how my last few months have been as we step into the new month and LAST month of the year, I have realized how different and out of touch I have become since school has started. Let’s just say, I have a lot of soul searching and reprioritizing to do in my life. 
When school started, I can honestly say I dropped the ball on pretty much everything in life. As I have gotten deeper into the semester and now only two weeks left of school, I can tell you spiritually I am not in a good place.
Schooling has never been my best skill. I’m not good at sitting in a classroom learning a specific way and that’s it. The way it’s set up for me is basically if I don’t get it the way the professor wants me to get it then their is no points for me. Even if I may have gotten the right answer.
I’m doing good in my Spanish and medical humanities class. But when it comes to chemistry and math… Let’s just not talk about it. To say the least, I have studied for five hours for a 12 question quiz, even got help, and I still got an F. Again, school is not my strong suit in some areas.
Over these past few months in school, I have basically centered my entire life behind it. Made it my entire reason for living, and as you can see it’s not working. Now that I am actually organizing my life, I am just now starting to get things in my math an chemistry lectures, but sadly I can tell it may be a bit too late by myself.
When talking to my mom- love her- I explained to her what had been happening and what may happen. She simply said, “okay, I can see you have been trying, and that’s all I ask for, so no matter what, even if they were to kick you out, keep trying, and I won’t be upset”. The tears came after that.
Another things that she kept saying to me was to pray and read my Bible. Which to be honest guys, I haven’t been doing. Not since school started. Being honest with myself, I had replaced my life with my Lord. (Excuse me while I get emotional) I literally over these past few months have become obsessed and consumed with my life and why it wasn’t going my way. Over time that obsession has turned into anger and resentment towards myself and those around me. Which can quickly explain how every time I would try, I would fall, and why every time I would talk to God I wouldn’t get an answer. It wasn’t because He didn’t feel like talking to me. It’s because every time I tried to communicate with Him, it came from anger, resentment, pity, and all things negative. It didn’t come from a soul who just wanted to seek God. It came from a place that just wanted things to go her way.
This week, I hit my breaking point. Broke down to nothing but anger and sorrow. I finally asked myself, “why is this happening to me, I’m putting in the work, but nothing is working”. I didn’t like the answer to that question. But in the moment, I finally opened my mind and my heart to it. Feeling so alone and defeated. Just wanting to finally be honest. Having not felt anything in the past few months, I finally felt the spirit of God come to me with open arms. “Are you finally ready to come home? I’ve always been here, you just weren’t paying attention.”
Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. – Mathew 6:25-34
Having anxiety and depression about school, has literally almost killed me. We don’t need to based all our beliefs into some temporary thing. We all need to put everything we have into something eternal. God. The only eternal holy spirit! One who is only there to love us and teach us and catch us when we fall.
I know this devotion is a bit lengthy, but I want you to think. What in your life are you constantly worrying about. Worrying about so much that you have neglected vital things in being consumed in that worry and anxiety. SO consumed that you have neglected the one who has all the answers. Read the scripture above and really reflect on it with an open heart. Reflect and know that the Lord has always been here. We just have to let Him in and keep Him in instead of spiritually kicking Him out when things get tough. He loves all of us. His eternal love will always conquer our temporary troubles.
