When scrolling through Pinterest, I often find myself searching the writing tag. When going through it, there is always this checklists or several quote images from famous and unforgettable writers. It always says along the lines:
You’re a writer? Then you should be writing everyday. No matter what!!
It never thinks of the writer that also wants to hold a scalpel in her hand eventually. Classes have finally started, retaking one of them for the paramedic program has definitely left me feeling anxious. I feel my brain and my life and thoughts are slowly melting and going down the drain. 
It’s come to my attention that every writer that I have come across that has questioned me about my writings habits and my passion for the craft have looked at me with a side eye when I tell them that writing isn’t the only thing that I could see myself spending my life on. Same when it comes to telling my trauma junkies that I have a blog and love to write.
Is it such an absurd think to love both? I sometimes think yes. Like now in the moment where my anxiety has overflowed to the point where I feel like both passions are begging me to choose between the two causing me to walk away from both, not working on my book, and not having open up a single textbook outside of class this entire first week back to school. With creating four Youtube videos and deleting them all and not even able to relook at my first draft and medic application at all in the last 24 hours you can say my anxiety attack was very sneaky but unavoidable.
Being rejected a great deal more than being accepted in my lifetime, I can honestly admit with a bruised ego that my own confidence in my knowledge has been affected. However as I have finally calmed down after venting to my person as Yang and Grey would say (if you don’t know who they are, YOU NEED TO) and remembering what a great other one of my persons would say I’ve come to a solution.
I’m going to fake it until I make it. Getting my life in order over the weekend is going to be quite the challenge as I look at all my laundry and cluttered bedroom. But hey, you can never say that I have ever given up. I may have screamed it, yet I still say I am a non traditional pre-med major who would love to also be a best selling author. That’s not too much to ask is it? I didn’t think so.
