Writing and reading has always been a passion of mine. From changing the plot of the movie I was watching. To continue the stories in my head for months on end on the same film. Let’s not even talk about my love for fanfics. Simple to say, writing has been something that I have loved doing, but has now become my biggest fear as I dream of becoming an author. Here’s why…
When it came to writing, I never truly thought of it becoming a career. Simply just a side hobby to do every now and then with no commitment. Now time is a bit different. It’s all I think about. Which sucks to say being that I’m currently working on getting MD at the end of my name.
Having a science interest, but being a creative/imaginative mind at heart has been incredibly difficult as the years go by in my academic career and my early 20s. Of all there are three main fears of writing that have caused me to avoid it off and on for so long.
1. Judgement
Once in medicine, I have to say it is very hard to get out of it. Your’e hooked. Sirens become your norm. Dark personality is good thing and is welcome at work. Most importantly, you live medicine. Something that I have strayed away from the past year.
Wanting to leave the security of the medical field for writing-something that is very uncertain and based truly off what people think of your craft and not applying factual knowledge has been very hard for me to swallow. In my head, it has always been “your’e doing medicine, you can’t write”. “Medicine is what you should be doing, not writing”. But then I always end up asking myself “Medicine hasn’t been going great for you these past year with trying to get into medic school. Don’t you think that’s a hint from a certain someone wanting you to give writing your novel a true shot?”.
2. Uncertainty of Independence
Growing up, I was taught core concepts. One of the biggest being to get a job that you can maintain and take care of yourself. If I can take care of myself, that would be making my mother proud. How would I do that with just writing?
If I could have my dream job, no catches, and just good at it, I’d know that I’d be traveling the world, writing my best-selling novels, working on my clothing line, and also working on my publication entertainment company, taking care of my family. But then fear and self-doubt creep back in reminding me how many people look like me in the industry. Making me push my laptop further away. 
3. Rejection
Rejection above all has got to be my biggest fear and writing and putting myself out there creatively. I may like my work. My best friends may like my work. My mom may like my work. But I still need thousands of other people to like my work in order to be able to take care of myself. Putting out a project is a lot of work for publication. What if I were to do good the first book, who’s to say the second won’t suck?
Setting the goal for becoming a doctor hasn’t helped that much either. Making a complete drastic change of saying I want to become a writer is something I always have problems with. Leaning towards one career or another back in forth. Being honest with myself, the pressure of wanting to make my family proud doesn’t make it easier either. Being blunt, rejection of my work would be heart breaking for me.
The true alchemists do not lead into gold; they change the world into words – William H. Gass
Making and leaving a positive impact on earth has been my main goal since I was a kid. Since I was a kid, my mind thought that in order to do that you had to do something big. Something life altering. Why can’t writing be that?
I’m not saying I want to give up on medicine. I’m saying that I’m NOT giving up on writing. I’m going to give it a shot, and just maybe, I’ll understand why I need to write so much!
